Okay so! What happened was: the moon passed between the sun and the earth.
The moon’s shadow stretched, swept through space. In the city, you could see the movement of one thing toward the other, first very slow-feeling, and then fast. The irony of how if you look directly at it, the most interesting thing, the spectacle, you will not be okay. When I looked the opposite direction of the sun, towards the other buildings and all the little people, it all felt somehow both ominous and benevolent. Ominous that there was a profound shadow over all of us, changing our color gradient. Benevolent that every person’s sense of curiosity piqued. Everyone wanted to see the same thing.
I like eclipse words; phenomenon, obstruction, totality. Eclipses, vibe-wise, are supposed to be rapid portals; speeding up time, or at least jolting enough to make us do it ourselves.
The last eclipse I saw, I was in the path of totality. It was on Lopez Island – a tiny island off the coast of Washington that I have managed to move to two different times in the span of my twenties. This was the first time I lived there, in 2017, the summer after college. That eclipse, we got our glasses and stood outside and watched. It got very cold. I remember shuddering in my puffer jacket. The shadow felt like it lasted a long time – perhaps because I was afraid it might not decide to float forward and away.
Funny that we all lose it over this shadow, even if it lasts for a moment. Everyone makes a plan for it! The closer we are to it, the better. Of course, I think of shadow in the psychoanalytic sense – the unconscious, the dark parts of our psyche, what refracts from, and under, our apparent self. Not a big jump here, intellectually. That’s the treat that the cosmos, astrology, astronomy often give us. Nature and mythos permit us to be literal.
Jung (my king!): “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.” I love him saying ‘not popular’. People don’t like it! It’s true.
I am trying to listen to the eclipse a little bit. So here are some shadows for you! Things maybe I (unsuccessfully) hide. Secrets, even! I obviously have reserves that are vastly more substantial than these, but here’s a start. The rest, I save for my analyst :)
Shadow of aspiration There is a specific vision of life that I want for myself. I won’t say too much, but it involves working remotely, making $$, and adopting an old dog and a puppy at the same time. I am very grateful for my life now, but most days I wake up thinking about this vision of a little life. I am surprised at the velocity it with which it descended. I am surprised how hungrily I want it.
Shadow of one’s own choices I have three tiny tattoos. One of them, the first one I got, came out in a way I reallyyyy don’t like. One day, I’ll show you.
Shadow of the Basic To love the things we do not think are cool! Is! The best of Shadow! For me? Listening to the same music over and over in a totally undiscerning way. Workout classes, celeb culture, rosé, books like Wild and Untamed, going to Brandy Melville, bartering in gossip. Not lost on me that I am actively naming everything that we tend to culturally gender feminine and dismiss as superficial… which is why this is a shadow I hold dear to my heart <3 Brandy Melville is actually terrible though.
Shadow of food work & wellness I have said if before, but I will say it again: we don’t try to feel better because we already feel good. I work with food because, in the past that would have been an impossibility. I try to feel good, better, because I know what it’s like to feel bad. We live in a world where practices can be easily dismissed as wholly light – in fact, they exist to restore balance with darkness.
Shadow of creative paralysis Lately, I have told everyone who will listen that I hate everything I write. Social performance on Instagram has been less fun and more me feeling stuck and confused. My little thumbs hover, then type, then erase. Substack has a new Follower feature that I have not even had the energy to interact with for one moment. Ughhhhh!
After I had my tantrum about feeling creatively out of control, I calmed down. IF something is so annoying, it’s probably for a reason.Likely inviting me to let go, reset and override the system.
Complaining about the thing you choose to do is not good energy to put out there. I’m taking a little break on here and on there.
If you’re a paid subscriber, you will get another post this month. A Reading List, as requested by some sweets.
Hope you all wore your little glasses as the cosmos did their journey. Hope you love things that are not cool to you! Love you & love your duality :))) xxx