HIT AND NOT HIT OF 2023, BABY!
what worked for me and what might work for you, but maybe not and that's life!
2023 was a year that consisted of 12 months! And boy, did it.
When I think of this past year, I think of empty space.
In January, a I got ghosted by my biggest cooking client aka source of income. Later, I would learn that it wasn’t my fault (Now we can laugh! yayyyy). No matter the reason, this very-little-work stretch was enough for me to see the pragmatic gaps in the way that I’d constructed my material life. And also — of course — to contemplate life’s existential wheel and how she turns. Lol!
That time stretched achingly long and lazily, giving me an eery sense of stillness. It required doing things differently. I stopped spending money on a lot of things, went out less, and also sometimes wept in the bath. I have a lot of aspirations, high expectations, and care deeply about work — which can culminate in a very unpleasant pressure. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but even more: I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. What does a person do?
I did my best to study. I enrolled in an intro for Psychoanalysis. I did my Yoga Teacher Training at SkyTing — I use no irony when I emphasize what light and levity that brought me. I read books, some strange and some regular, on the brain and the body. I did my favorite thing to do, which is Chat, and learned that this can just be a time in life. It works like this, sometimes.
Episodes of work rolled in, more good stories, more little adventures. The hum of stress lingered, but I began to get used to it and to pay attention to other stuff, too. I even got a little bit curious. What was this open space? Lyrics popped into my head from “Wide Open Spaces” and “I’ll Keep it With Mine” and honestly “In the City”. What else? I met with grief and loss, visited my friends, went to California, came back, cooked less, snacked more, moved and rearranged, and jumped in cold water and hot sauna whenever I freaking COULD.
And I wrote. To you! Did you know that every time I sit down to write, I am truly scared? I avoid at all costs because I have YOU to think about and I want to impress you! You are who I thought about in empty space, spoke with in the quiet. Palate Cleanse has grown significantly this year, occupying its own silhouette, taking in sunshine and water. Getting *featured*! Growing up.
Anyway, here the things that I tried this year that worked didn’t work for me. It’s fun to look back on last year’s post of this ilk and see how thing have shifted or changed. I agree with myself, mostly — though in general, it seems a through like is that I just might never have the patience to take supplements until they actually work. Oh well!
HERE ARE THE THINGS THAT DIDN’T HIT FOR ME (BUT IF THEY HIT FOR YOU, AMAZING AND GOD BLESS)
-TikTok Dismissal. When I first scrolled onto Nina Reads Tarot and Flynn Skidmore, I said okay whatever. Now? I love them like they are on my own little team. Their words speak to me! Even if their wisdom has a time cap on it, I’ve decided to let it resonate. (I actually am obsessed with Flynn Skidmore and think he has a lot to say! That’s a longer story for another time!)
-Trying not to eat before bed. Honestly the more I try to control when I get hungry, the more my body roars back with the fury of a thousand suns. Best to eat whenever.
-Expansive Tablescapes. And I am calling *myself* out here, too! I am tired of seeing a million piles of radishes and butter and like full turnip out on a white-clothed table with dripping candles. So much food waste, so non-sensical, and tbh it’s redundant! In 2024, I am calling in intentional, measured spreads.
-4 Sigmatic and Thesis. I tried these both in attempt to mediate my charming disposition that dances between lethargy and ADD. Pour moi, didn’t feel a diff with either.
-I have to stop saying ‘go off’. I sound old.
HERE IS WHAT HIT FOR ME (BUT IF IT DOESN’T FOR YOU, LOVE THAT AND IT’S OKAY!)
-Letting smart people boss me around. Within reason, of course. But this rocks, most of the time. Sometimes they know better!!
-Visiting friends who live in other places. This is a big one. If you have time and space and enough $$, use vacation to go visit friends who don’t live close to you. Every time I visit my besties who live elsewhere, not only is it a personalized vacay, but there is a level of realness and communion that you don’t get when you plan everything yourself. You get to see how people you love set their lives up, in real time.
-Listening to my favorite music from 10th grade. And remembering what it was like to be a little indie girl with big dreams! Vampire Weekend, Animal Collective, Yeasayer, Arctic Monkeys, Girls. So many crushes that I would never consider cute anymore but will love forever. Also recently remembered Springtime, which is a beautiful song.
-Doing things I am bad at/embarrassing myself. Before you say, “Rosa don’t be so self-effacing!” I am going to tell you, it’s truly okay! Here are examples of what I mean.
Though sometimes the results are honestly uglier than I could imagine in my wildest dreams, it has been really sweet for me to learn to watercolor.
I am literally yoga TEACHER TRAINED and I still cannot do a handstand or headstand. Also I was recently at an inversions workshop and had to demonstrate something in front of the WHOLE CLASS of CHIC STRANGERS but I was wearing HORRIBLE Brandy Melville yoga pants that hold water so it looked like I had peed or sweat my entire pants.
Are these fun experiences? No!!! Brutal, in fact. But as I grow older, they are amazing because they have nothing to do, really, with me as a person. The less I care (truly!), the more open I feel to trying things and not feeling like my worth is embedded in any practice of public performance. And in 2024 I will do a headstand. I just know it.
-BIGGEST HIT AND THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE: CHANGING YOUR GOD DAMN MIND.
I’ve written about this for paid, and I really stick to it. I’m not talking about flakiness or unreliability — I’m talking about going somewhere to see about something. Trying something with zero pressure. Having an opinion and allowing it to be changed. And honestly not taking every thought so seriously that one must believe it for too long.
I often get self-conscious that I’m perceived as doing too many disparate things, that my life doesn’t make linear sense. And then I remember: what freaking does???
2024 has a nice ring to it, and I love even numbers. I feel sad about the world and its violence. I feel hopeful about life. Maybe even a little prepared.
Starting in January, things will be changing around here. Coming at you with a NEW STRUCTURE, NEW FEATURES, AND NEW VISUALS! Bigger, better, cleaner.
In the meantime, sending you lots of love and gratitude and WIDE OPEN SPACE. XOXOXOXO
Love this post~~and had to comment as a former Girls groupie! ;-)