WE MEET (again?)
what is this Substack and who am I and what is going on!
This morning I baked 5 Spanish Tortillas. They all came out totally fine, I think. Mostly, I was surprised at the potato — this sweetness I forgot about, almost apple-y. I’m prepping for an event tomorrow; a Big Cooking Day, for 80ish. I haven’t had a day like that in awhile, and the well-rested part of me is excited. On those days, the brain turns off or, rather, finds a new rhythm. Thinking about something else, moving, riding the catharsis of a false sense of urgency around something that is made to go away. Today, while I cooked, I had Mad Men on low in the background and it whispered over the sound of the rain.
I keep thinking about how yesterday I sat outside and tried to write and was frustrated and looked up, through the pollen, and saw a sort of falling-apart old building that had Saints Temple Church of God in Christ Inc. : One of God’s Soul Saving Stations written on it, and then an arrow pointing around the corner. Soul Saving Station, Incorporated! I had never noticed that sign before. Sounds inviting, and just around the corner. Pollen wafting down like snow.
I thought it would be nice to quickly say hi and re-introduce myself, because many of you are new here. Maybe because of Vittles, maybe because you read my piece on Keith McNally’s new memoir. Either way, hi! :) Nice to have you.
I started this Substack in 2021, on what I can only describe as a dare from myself. I had written in high school and college, but mostly I felt there was a real divide between the things I was noticing (working in kitchens) and the things that I had the platform to express. Mostly, I just had to get some thoughts out of my system for pragmatic reasons: if I held them in, the stagnation would distract me, fester, and waste time.
For the first few years, I wrote a lot! Every other week, I would say. I held myself to a high standard and pushed ideas out. I love a deadline, and it was fun to feel productive — especially as my work turned less restaurant-y and a little more freelance (cooking and writing).
The pieces from then tended to be about patterns in culture, symbolized by food, that I thought were worth a second look. Connecting seemingly-disparate cultural elements to locate some meaning. Here’s a good example: Sex and the City X Cigarettes X Gingham Tablecloths. A little out there — but Substack was still feeling very new! They’re pretty long and read like what they were: filled with the gusto of someone flinging themself at the internet.
As time went on, I started playing with post formats. These have been fun to experiment with. Brain Exfoliations (for when your mind needs a visual scrub), Hit and Not Hit (Hot or not, basically), and year-end Reviews. Over time, I started some *Esoteric Studies* (yoga school and psychoanalysis school and holistic nutrition), and I suppose the writing followed. I became interested in questioning what made humans feel good, and better. I also experimented with some reviews and audio recipes. And a tinyyyy bit of TikTok (a platform about which I will Never Say Never).
And the audience grew! And in 2023, this became a Substack Featured Publication. And I was — and am — truly, truly grateful. Around then, I also worked with Lucia Dallet and Sophie Lipitz , two true geniuses, to build out the visual brand and creative concept for the project.
And then?? About a year ago, I started slowing down. For real. I was writing more for publications (and had begun work on my book) but I also was meeting a new Internet moment. Substack was kind of taking off (yay), and had introduced elements like Followers and a new, Twitter-like format.
And guess what?? I was kinda bad at it! I can’t really think of quick takes or quips. Posting on schedule started feeling less fruitful, because the pieces I was chewing on tended to take a little more time and patience. That’s the blessing and curse of being self-directed, I guess: you can change your mind. I don’t know. My process just began to feel antithetical to what the internet was suggesting. Maybe I am just acting ancient, but I kind of concluded that — for now — what I have to say feels less like a forecasted, steady rain and more like a lightning bolt.
So! No more rules, at the moment! I took down the paywall. You can poke around and go back and forth (85 posts in total!).
It’s smart that you subscribed, because that way you won’t miss these pieces as they come.
Anyway, here are some of my favorites from the years. A little taste!
This one, about tomatoes and summertime and pre-emptive nostalgia.
This one, on growing up in Greenwich Village.
This one, on Saturn Returns and eating food for children.
This one, on being asked to sign NDAs for private cheffing.
This one, on whether food can be haunted.
Mostly, thank you for being here and for reading. If you have ideas for what (and where) I should write, let me know. If you need food — particularly nutritional support through a transitional life moment — I’m also here for that.
Mostly, as they say, santé! To you and your health, with love, xx